Arthur: You fight with the strength of many men, sir
knight.
(The black knight does not respond)
Arthur: I am Arthur, king of the Britons.
(no response)
Arthur: I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join
me at my court at Camelot.
(no response)
Arthur: You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?
(no response)
Arthur: You make me sad. So be it! Come, Patsy! (As Arthur and Patsy
start to ride past the black knight, he suddenly speaks):
Black Knight: NONE SHALL PASS.
Arthur: (taken aback) What?
Black Knight: NONE SHALL PASS.
Arthur: I have no quarrel with you, good sir knight, but I must cross
this bridge.
Black Knight: THEN YOU SHALL DIE.
Arthur: I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside.
Black Knight: I MOVE FOR NO MAN.
Arthur: So be it! (draws sword. A short battle ensues, where Arthur,
relatively unencumbered by armor, easily dodges the slow and heavy strikes by
the black knight. Finally, Arthur dodges a strike, steps aside, and cuts the
black knight's left arm off with his sword. Blood spurts from the knight's open
shoulder. )
Arthur: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch.
Arthur: A SCRATCH? Your arm's off!
Black Knight: No it isn't!
Arthur: Well what's that then? (pointing to the arm lying on the
ground)
Black Knight: I've had worse.
Arthur: You LIAR!
Black Knight: Come on, you pansy! (There follows an even shorter foray,
at the end of which Arthur easily cuts off the black knight's right arm,
causing it and the black knight's sword to drop to the ground. Blood spatters
freely from the stump.)
Arthur: Victory is mine! (kneeling, praying) We thank thee Lord, that
in thy mercy-- ( He is kicked onto his side by the black knight.)
Black Knight: Come on, then! (kicks Arthur again)
Arthur: (on the ground) What?!?
Black Knight: (kicking him again) Have at you!
Arthur: (getting up) You are indeed brave, sir knight, but the fight is
mine!
Black Knight: Ohhh, had enough, eh?
Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!
Black Knight: Yes I have!
Arthur: LOOK!!!
Black Knight: Just a flesh wound! (kicking Arthur again)
Arthur: Look, STOP that!
Black Knight: Chicken!!! Chicken!!!!!!!
Arthur: Look, I'll have your leg! (The Black Knight continues his
kicking)
Arthur: RIGHT! (He chops off the black knight's leg with his sword)
Black Knight: (hopping) Right! I'll do you for that!
Arthur: You'll WHAT?
Black Knight: Come 'ere!
Arthur: (tiring of this) What're
you going to do, bleed on me?
Black Knight: I'm
INVINCIBLE!!!
Arthur: You're a looney.
Black Knight: The Black Knight ALWAYS TRIUMPHS! Have at you!! (hops
around, trying to kick Arthur with his one remaining leg. Arthur shrugs his
shoulders and, with a mighty swing, removes the Black Knight's last limb. The
Knight falls to the ground. He looks about, realizing he can't move. )
Black Knight: Okay, we'll call it a draw.
Arthur: Come, Patsy! (they "ride" away)
Black Knight: (calling after them) Oh! Had enough, eh? Come back and
take what's coming to you, you yellow bastards!! Come back here and take what's
coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!