Captain Corelli's Mandolin (2001)

Take heed: this movie reeks.

I saw this one by chance. I had gone to see Antitrust, but since Antitrust was so staggeringly awful that it left me dazed and fearing for the future of humanity, I felt I had to see another movie to at least partially restore my sanity. There was a massive queue for Captain Corelli's Mandolin, which is based on some poncy novel by Louis de Bernierres and directed by Shakespeare in Love's John Madden. It's a largely fictionised history of Cephalonia, a Greek island which was invaded by the Italians during the Second World War, with the help of their German friends. The movie centres on the romance of Nic Cage and Penelope Cruz, who unfortunately have the sexual chemistry of a oil painting and a brick.
The casting, and then the accents that the poor saps attempt, are positively bizarre . I honestly don't know which was funnier: Englishmen as Greeks (John Hurt and Christian Bale), Spaniards as Greeks (Penelope Cruz), or Nicolas Cage as a sensitive and music loving Italian. The movie is extremely long or at least seems so because very little happens. Fortunately I managed to sleep through part of it.

(no stars)

The Players:

Nicolas Cage as Captain Antonio Corelli
Penelope Cruz as Pelegia
John Hurt as Iannis
Christian Bale as Mandras
David Morrissey as Gunther

 

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Written by Ed in May 2001