Joey: Pheebs, you wanna help?
Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.
(episode 1.1)
Rachel: Oh God, and now I'm going to have to return the ring, without the
ring, which makes it so much harder...
(episode 1.2)
Ross to Paolo: I think I speak for everyone when I say [slams door in
Paolo's face]
(episode 1.12)
Monica: I'm that stupid
Rachel: I'm not too bright either
Ross to Paolo: Do you know what 'crapweasel' means?
(episode 1.7)
Phoebe: Monica? Um, You're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all
chaotic and twirly, you know?...I mean, and not in a good way."
(episode 1.2)
Chandler to Joey: Too many jokes...must mock Joey!
Phoebe: You know, it's worse when you're twins.
Rachel: You're a twin?
Phoebe: Oh yeah. We don't speak. She's this real high-powered, driven
career-type.
Chandler: What does she do?
Phoebe: She's a waitress.
(episode 1.2)
Mr. Geller: When my time comes, I want to be buried at sea.
Monica: Why?!
Mr. Geller: It sounds like fun... Sure, you can make a day of it. Bring a
picnic lunch... I want people to say, 'Buried at sea...huh...'.
(episode 1.8)
Ross: Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon?
Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you?
(episode 1.1)
Chander: I'll show you to my room... That sounds so weird when it isn't
followed by 'no thanks, it's late.'
(episode 1.13)
Phoebe: It's not mine, I didn't earn it; if I kept it, it would be like
stealing.
Rachel: Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping.
Phoebe: Okay, okay, let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes with the
money. Do you know what I'd hear with every step I took? "NOT mine, NOT
mine, NOT mine." And even if I were happy, okay, and, and skipping, I'd
hear "notNOT mine, notNOT mine, notNOT mine, notNOT mine..."
(episode 1.3)
Chandler: I'm smoking, I'm smoking, I'm smoking.
Phoebe: I can't believe you, you've been so good for three years!
Chandler: And this is my reward!
(episode 1.3)
Chandler to Jill Goodacre: Gum would be perfection
(episode 1.7)
Phoebe: Yes yes! Like the man in the shoe!
Ross: What shoe?
Phoebe: You know, from the nursery rhyme: "There was a crooked man, who
had a crooked smile, who lived in a shoe, for a while..."
(episode 1.3)
Chandler: Ewwww, Lambchop. How old is that sock?! If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too.
Ross: A thumb?!
Phoebe: I know, I know.
All: Ewwwwwwwwwww!
Phoebe: I opened it up, and there it was just floating there, like this tiny
little hichhiker.
Chandler: Well maybe its a contest, you know? Like collect all five?
(episode 1.3)
Joey: You meant sex, right?
(episode 1.16)
Joey: Phoebe is Phoebe but Ursula is hot
(episode 1.16)
Chandler: Don't we look nice all dressed up?
[pause... ] It's things like that, isn't it?
(episode 1.8)
Phoebe: Hey Lizzy.
Lizzy: Hey Weird Girl.
Phoebe: I brought you alphabet soup.
Lizzy: You took out the vowels?
Phoebe: Yeah, but I left in the Y's. 'Cuz you know, "sometimes Y."
(episode 1.3)
Rachel: My God! These are incredible! How come I've never had these before?
Phoebe: Oh I don't make them very often. It isn't fair to the other cookies.
(episode 1.12)
Ross: I believe the word your looking for is...Anyway
(episode 1.1)
Phoebe: He's really sweet and in some ways I think he's so right for me...
But I hate that guy.
(episode 1.13)
Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew...!!
What?!
Ugly naked guy got a thigh-master!
Ewwwwwwwwwwww!
(episode 1.2)
Phoebe: Now go away so we can talk about you.
(episode 1.13)
Monica: Uh, no. Loosely translated, "We
should do this again" means, "You will never see me naked."
Rachel: Since when?
Joey: Since always. It's like dating language. You know, like: "It's not
you" means "It is you."
Chandler: Or "You're such a nice guy" means "I'm gonna be dating
leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you."
Phoebe: Or...or, you know, um..."I think we should see other people"
means "Ha, ha, I already am."
(episode 1.3)
Steve (Jon Lovitz): Tartlets. -- Tartlets. -- Tartlets. -- The word has lost
all meaning.
(episode 1.15)
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I were a lesbian... Did I say that out loud?
Ross: Stop ... stop cleansing my aura.
(episode 1.1)
Phoebe: He's a shrink, but not in that shrinky way.
Ross: Since you saw her boobies, I think you're gonna have to show her your
pee-pee.
(episode 1.13)
Rachel: Chandler Bing, it's time to see your thing.
(episode 1.13)
Rachel: Men can pee standing up!
Chandler: We can? Okay, I'm trying that.
(episode 1.5)
Rachel: Tit for tat.
Chandler: Well, I'm not showing you my tat.
(episode 1.13)
Rachel: Fasten your seat belts, it's pee pee time.
Chandler: "Oh, look, it's the woman we ordered."
(episode 1.13)
Chandler: Oh! I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding.
Phoebe: They have a liking problem with you... in that they don't.
Chandler to Joey: You know that thing where we talk to each other about things? Let's not do that anymore.
