Television

The scourge of our society, and most of it's rubbish anyway. In any case I only watch three programmes so "tremble with fear you tiny fools".

The above statement is, of course, a combination of a complete lie and a badly remembered quotation from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

My favourite shows:

Series:

• Buffy the Vampire Slayer - this is the greatest TV show ever. (Before it turned to crud in season 6)
• The Sopranos - At its best, The Sopranos is absolutely without equal. The writing, direction, acting, cinematography, soundtrack all come together brilliantly. Alas, later seasons started to become a little tedious - season 6)
• 24 - my beloved show! (Strokes it gently) Although, even 24 has turned to shit. The 1st season is the best by far
• Lost (before it turned into a comedy show in season 2. Season 3 is so bad that i'm going to stop watching)
• Farscape - mmm, sex and leather! it became pretty bad in season 3 though
• Preston Front
• The X-Files (before it became absurd)
• Ally McBeal - except for the bits with Calista Flockhart in. She scares me.

Series (comedy):

• The Simpsons (while it was still funny ie before season 10)
• My Name is Earl (miracously, this show has not yet shown any signs of decline. Still, it's early days.)
• South Park
• I Love Lucy (1951-1955)
• Friends (1994- ) (Before it became awful - which was after season 1)
• Red Dwarf (again guess what - yes, it began to stink after about 5 series)
• Blackadder
• Don't Blame the Koalas - a guilty pleasure perhaps
• Big Train
• The Good Life
• Smack the Pony

Serials:

• The Singing Detective (1986) - the absolute best- accept no substitute. Gotta love the Dry Bones song.
• Edge of Darkness (1986) - my my, that Bob Peck certainly can act
• Bangkok Hilton (1989) - mmm Nicole
• The Prisoner (1967) - well, I liked it
• I, Claudius (1976) - now this is how Roman history should be taught! * Featuring the Lady Messalina, undoubtedly the greatest character of all time.
• The Camomile Lawn (1992) - a healthy dose of nostalgia and naked flesh
• Blood and Peaches (1995)
• House of Cards (1990) - Ian Richardson displays his magnificence

Soaps:

• Neighbours - Hey, it may have its faults but I like my daily dose of life from a land where the sun always shines and the people (well most of them) are beautiful. Also we could be seeing the stars of tomorrow a la Guy Pierce & Kylie.

Dramatisations/ quasi-movies

• Self-Catering (1994) -"He's normally so polite" - hm, maybe that joke's better in context.
• Hunting Venus (1999)

Favourite episodes- the best things I've seen on TV in years:

• 'Scratch 'n sniff' from Farscape season 3 - disjointed, surreal, crazy - in a word, perfect. Mind you maybe that's the crack talking. I watched it again in the harsh light of day and it didn't seem so great.
• 'Once more, with Feeling' from Buffy season 6 - Buffy the Musical, well worth the wait. Shame Alyson Hannigan can't sing and doesn't even try. Everyone else give it their best shot tho.

The X-Files and Friends are extremely interesting because, depending on your viewpoint, they are either the best or worst programmes on television. Of course if you thought they were the worst you'd be wrong, but still...

D'you know, it's been proven that you use less energy sitting and watching television than you do by just sitting. Hence watching copious amounts of television turns you into what is known technically as a fat b'stard.

And it's true, "true television" is of no real value intellectually or educationally. By true television I mean quiz shows, cookery programmes, the news, anything that is filmed entirely in a studio. This last bit so I don't have to say that the above programmes are crap. I don't think that sports coverage qualifies as television, it just happens to be viewed on a television set. I make this point because I have a hunch that it is wrong. Anyway, I could analyse television until I am blue in the face, but as I am that anyway it seems an exercise in pointlessness. So I'll say this: instead of watching the box, talk or read a book, especially the latter. I am sick and tired of encountering stupid twerps who canot spell.

*as, indeed, it was in my Latin class. Happy days.

TV Links

Back to my page